13 of the Most Embarrassing Criminals on the Planet

By:
13 of the Most Embarrassing Criminals on the Planet

It’s not impossible to get away with criminal activity these days, but many of the roughly 1.2 million incarcerated Americans will tell you that it’s pretty tough. With surveillance cameras on every corner and advancements in forensic science, it’s tough for even some of the best minds in criminality to get off scot-free. Sorry, dummies, your “plans” just didn’t stand a chance. If we’ve learned anything today, it’s that a “well-thought out” crime can only be as “well-thought out” as its creator’s brain will allow.

It must’ve been hard for these criminal masterminds to accept that their plans could be so easily thwarted. But as embarrassing as these crimes should be, maybe their perpetrators are dumb enough to not even perceive them as embarrassing. Maybe one day, we’ll track down their current place of incarceration and conduct a dumb little true-crime interview of our own. Either way, whether they’d like to admit it or not, here are 13 of the most embarrassing criminals on the planet.

Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.

When you pry it from my cold, dead head.

The Hat Man was caught because of his hat. After Kassanndra Cantrell was murdered, police suspected Colin Dudley, and he was easily spotted because of his very distinctive fedora. Не asked that people call him the Hat Man and kept wearing it even though police were looking for a man in a fedora. CRACKED

Source 

Remember the Mannequin Challenge? These guys definitely do.

A highly illegal Mannequin Challenge. TRUE - In Alabama, a group posed with guns, re-enacting a drive-by shooting. The video led police to the house, where they found a marijuana dealing ring, illegal firearms, and stolen goods. CRACKED

Source   

Apparently, the drugs brought people closer to God.

The drug dealing pastor. In 2012, Pastor Mark Derksen was arrested for selling heroin and meth to addicts that he was meant to counsel. He'd been on the DEA's watchlist for 2 years before they finally had enough evidence to raid his Arizona church. CRACKED

Source 

We can’t help but read this one in Schwarzenegger’s voice.

An NFL player was caught with a Whizzinator. Riddell 32 3 55 In 2005, Onterrio Smith, former running back for the Minnesota Vikings, was detained at the airport for carrying dried urine and a device called a Whizzinator - a kit that turns dried urine into liquid urine that will pass drug tests. Не was released by the team. CRACKED

Source / Photo Shelter 

Go directly to jail… Do not collect your change.

A Walmart shopper used a $1,000,000 Monopoly bill. J ATOHONO KOHL'S ONOPOLY MONOPOLY MONOPOLY 500 In 2011, Michael Anthony Fuller bought a vacuum cleaner and microwave for $476, and demanded $999,524 in change from the cashier. Не was charged with attempting to obtain property by false pretenses, with a bond of $97,500. CRACKED

Source / NBC 

You can brag about anything on social media!

A Florida woman bragged about drunk driving while drunk driving. Whitney Beall went live on Periscope and told people how she had been drinking before getting in the car. Many viewers called 911, and police found her right away (intoxicated and driving with a flat tire). CRACKED

Source / ABC 

Can you believe he pulled that shit at the Copa?!

An NFL player was arrested for skipping out on a $27 bill. STADIUM 79 . Raheem Brock, a Seattle Seahawks defensive end, was charged in Philly after refusing to pay his $27 tab and resisting arrest at the Copabanana Restaurant. CRACKED

Source / Indy Star 

Yes, definitely come on in for an interview.

A fugitive applied for a police dispatcher job. In 2016, a bank employee was suspected of stealing $5,000, and fled. In 2018, despite being a fugitive, he applied for a job as a dispatcher for the local police department. They invited him in for an interview and arrested him on the spot. CRACKED

Source 

Did this man sentence you?! Well, you could be in luck!

A Tennessee judge bought and used pills during court breaks. 64 year-old Judge Richard Baumgartner was caught buying pills from convicts and using them during so many trials that hundreds of his cases may need to be retried. CRACKED

Source 

Bigger than Jesus, but not bigger than the law.

Paul McCartney was arrested in Japan with 8 ounces of weed. In 1980, on Wings' first tour of Japan, he spent 9 days in Tokyo's Narcotics Detention Center. Не said, I knew I wouldn't be able to get anything to smoke over there. The stuff was too good to flush down the toilet, so I thought I'd take it with me. The tour was canceled and the band broke up. CRACKED

Source / GQ 

ey, we all get hungry after a hard day’s work. Whatever that work happens to be.

A hungry criminal stops to make himself a pizza. In 2020, a man in Fullerton, California broke into Big Slice Pizza to steal money, but was apparently so hungry that he made himself a pizza. Не stole the pizza delivery car, and was arrested shortly after. CRACKED

Source 

The Grinch who didn’t steal anything.

A robber got stuck in the chimney. Keith Schultz and his girlfriend tripped the home security alarm when he got stuck in the chimney and she broke into the house to help him. Firefighters had to free him, and his mugshot looks like Zoolander getting the black lung, Pop. CRACKED

Source / Youtube 

Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

My Very Gonzo Life

A conversation with Dave Goelz, the man who for nearly 50 years has served as the voice and puppeteer of Gonzo — the pain-loving, dare-deviling, chicken-dating, Charles Dickens-impersonating, furry blue star of the Muppets

Authors
By
Published
Comments
Comments 1

MUST READ

Forgot Password?