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33 Petty Celebrity Revenge Moments That Made Us Giggle

By:: Brian C. Miller; Cracked Writers

August 14, 2023

33 Petty Celebrity Revenge Moments That Made Us Giggle

We've all had a moment in our lives where we've been wronged. What’s the healthy thing to do? Probably get it together and move on with our lives. But the more fun option is to wait until the perfect time to unleash petty, juvenile revenge. And on this count, celebrities are indeed just like us. David Bowie’s entire career in the 1980s? Basically a revenge plot. And let’s not even get into what Burt Reynolds allegedly did with a helicopter, a Christmas tree and a couple of sacks of horse manure.

Maybe it’s all petty and immature, or maybe we need to step up our own revenge schemes a notch or two.

33 "I am no man"

Leonarda Emilia went full vigilante when her lover was executed. During the Franco-Mexican War, Emilia fell for a French soldier. The soldier was captured and sentenced to death by firing squad, and Emilia's pleas for mercy were ignored. Emilia transformed herself into La Carambada, the most famous bandolera in Mexican history. Dressed as a man, she traveled Mexico on horseback, using her skill with the pistol and machete to even the score. And just to make sure her victims knew they'd been bested by a female, SHE'd flasH HER boobs. CRACKED.COM Chris Frazer, 2006 Bandit Nation A History of Outlaws — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

32 Dante's Divine Comedy

Dante's Divine Comedy was written as an act of revenge. Dante Alighieri was part of a delegation sent to confront Pope Boniface VIII over his rumored plans to take over Florence. Boniface invited Dante to be his guest, and while he was there, the Pope secretly ordered the overthrow and execution of the government of Florence. Then he slapped a huge fine on Dante for being in Rome. In the Divine Comedy, Dante calls the Papacy a blood- fillEd SEWER. GRACKED.COM http://danteworlds laits utexas edu/paradiso/0Bfixedstars.html — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

31 David Bowie

David Bowie went from '70s freak to '80s megastar out of spite. Specifically, he did it to spite his former manager, who was contractually entitled to take 50% of Bowie's royalties until 1982. Between 1976 and 1980, Bowie made the most intentionally uncommercial records of his career. Then, as soon as the contract expired, he released the pop-est album imaginable, Let's Dance. It sold 10 million copies and made him a multimillionaire. GRAGKED.COM Marc Spitz, 2009 Bowie: A Biography — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

30 The Real Avengers

After WWII, a special force of Jewish soldiers hunted down and executed former Nazis. They operated until 1960, and eliminated hundreds of escaped Nazis. Their main target: high-ranking SS officers who were never prosecuted for their crimes. tHEy callEd tHEMSElVES tHE avENGERS. GRACKED.COM http://www. express CO uk/expressyourself/93194/The-real-avengers- The-Jewish-survivors-who-hunted-the-Nazis — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

29 That's One Way To Do It

When Rome invaded the Iceni and flogged and raped Boudica and her daughters, she rained holy hell on Rome. When King Prasutagus died, Rome figured they'd pretty much take over. Apparently they forgot that the Iceni were Celts. By the time three Roman legions took them down, Boudica's army had obliterated three Roman cities, burned Roman London to the ground and massacred 80,000 Romans. CRACKED.COM Cornelius Tacitus, Michael Grant, 1977 The Annals of Imperial Rome — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

28 Genghis Khan

When Genghis Khan sent envoys to open relations with the Khwarezmid Empire, they attacked the caravan, then killed his interpreter. SO GENGHiS wipEd KHwaREzMia off tHE Map. Genghis Khan's army destroyed an army five times its size, and by the time they were finished, not even dogs or cats were spared. The entire empire was literally erased, its four million inhabitants reduced to mounds of skeletons. CRACKED.COM Stephen Turnbull 2003 Genghis Khan & the Mongol Conquests 1190-1400 — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

27 When Will There Be a Movie About This?

When Home Guard soldiers killed his father and brother, Henry Berry Lowry formed a mixed-race gang and waged war on racists. The Confederate Home Guard was a paramilitary group that rounded up non-whites and pressed them into slavery. The Lowrys were members of the Lumbee tribe, and drew first blood by killing a Home Guard officer who got too grabby with the Lowry women. HENRY'S REVENGE: Henry spent the next seven years fighting, robbing, and killing plantation owners and notables, and openly warring against the Ku Klux Klan. In true Robin Hood fashion, Henry both took from the rich and — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

26 The Long Game

Eliahu Itzkovitz tracked down and befriended the man who killed his family. When Itzkovitz was a child, he saw his entire family murdered by a Romanian guard in the Chisinau Ghetto. All he knew about the man was that he was named Stanescu. Itzkovitz joined the Foreign Legion, because he heard a rumor that Stanescu was there. Не managed to get assigned to Stanescu's unit, and became one of his most trusted comrades. tHEN НЕ GUNNEd HiM dowN. GRAGKED.COM Bernard Fall, 2005 Street Without Joy: The French Debacle in Indochina — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

25 Great Use of a Tank

Mariya Oktyabrskaya avenged the death of her husband by buying a tank and killing Nazis with it. It was 1943, and her husband was killed in the Battle of Kiev. Oktyabrskaya sold everything she owned and used the money to buy a tank for the military, stipulating that she be allowed to pilot it herself. БОЕВАЯ ПОДРУГА 396 It went beautifully, too. The tank she dubbed the Fighting Girlfriend led her unit in battle, tearing through the opposition with ease. When the tank was damaged, the crew stopped mid-battle, repaired it, and kept going. GRAGKED.COM Henry Sakaida, 2012 Heroines of — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

24 Alfred Hitchcock

Alfred Hitchcock cast Raymond Burr as the villain in Rear Window because he looked like David 0. Selznick. Selznick had acted as producer on four of Hitchcock's films, and Hitch found Selznick's micro-management insufferable. Selznick Burr CRACKED GOM — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

23 George Lucas

For 25 years, George Lucas tried to build a production studio on his Marin County property. His neighbors continually blocked the project, whining that it would ruin their everything. So Lucas sold the property for use as a low-iNCOME HOUSING pRojEct. CRACKED.COM http://www — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

22 That's Not What Super Glue Is For

Donessa Davis cheated on his wife with three women. His wife found out, and she contacted the women. One of them arranged to meet Davis at a motel, STAT where she blindfolded him and tied him to the bed. Then she texted SEARS the other two women. Then his mistresses supERGluEd HiS PENiS to HiS StoMaCH. GRAGKED.COM http://www.citypages .com/news/donessa-davis-sues-woman-who-glued-his-penis-6536545 — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

21 Burt Reynolds

During the '80s, the NATIONAL ENQUIRER used to display The world's tallest Christmas tree in Lantana, Florida. Because of a constant battle going on against paparazzi and reporters, Burt Reynolds decided one day to drop a couple sacks of horse manure from a helicopter right on top of the tree. CRACKED.COM — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

20 Warren Buffett

Warren Buffett bought an entire company only to fire one person. In 1962, Seabury Stanton, chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, tried to cheat Buffet in a contract deal. BH MATHAWAY HS BERKSHIRE Even though it wasn't a НАТ AY good investment, I Warren Buffett felt insulted and decided to become the owner of the company in order to fire Stanton right away. GRACKED.COM — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

19 Harlan Ellison

MITT CREVIE И EM PROLIFIC SCI-FI WRITER HARLAN ELLISON PUNCHED ONE OF HIS OHIO STATE PROFESSORS BECAUSE НЕ TOLD ELLISON НЕ HAD NO TALENT. НЕ WAS SUBSEQUENTLY EXPELLED. ELLISON LATER SENT THAT SAME PROFESSOR COPIES OF HIS PUBLISHED WORK FOR DECADES. GRAGKED.COM — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

18 Richard LaGravenese / Gene Siskel

Richard LaGravenese made Gene Siskel an unflattering character in The Ref. Desde Lory July Devis Kovin Spaces the REF The - - - - - - - - - In 1992, the famous critic gave The Fisher King a negative review, so the film's screenwriter, LaGravenese, created a balding, unfaithful military officer being blackmailed by a young boy, in his follow-up movie. His name? Siskel. CRACKED.COM — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

17 Winona Ryder

33 Petty Celebrity Revenge Moments That Made Us Giggle — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

16 50 Cent / Ja Rule

50 Cent planned to have Ja Rule perform a concert in front of 200 empty seats. The two rappers have been feuding for over twenty years. When 50 Cent heard that tickets for Ja Rule's upcoming performance were only $15, he quickly purchased as many as he could to humiliate his old rival. CRACKED.COM — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

15 Lord Byron's Bear

When Lord Byron went to Cambridge, he wanted to bring his dog. Не was told he couldn't. Apparently the rules of Trinity College specifically forbade dogs on campus. SO HE bouGHt a bEaR. Не brought the bear with him to Cambridge, because there were exactly no rules against bears. CRACKED.COM http://www.praxxis. CO ukicredebyron/menagerie.htm — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

14 A Perfectly Proportional Response

When Drevlians killed her husband, Princess Olga of Kiev killed 5,000 of them. SIM RAK КГ It began when the Drevlians tried to court the newly widowed princess. First she had the suitors buried alive. When the unsuspecting wedding guests arrived, she sent them to a bath house, which she burned to the ground with them inside. Then she laid siege to the Drevlian capital city. GRACKED.COM James P Duffy, Vincent L. Ricci, 1995 Czars — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

13 Civil War-Era Revenge

Before Arlington became a national cemetery, it was the home of Robert E. Lee. When Lee defected to the Confederate Army, he and his wife abandoned Arlington House, the mansion they called home. Meigs Lee Hardcore unionist Montgomery Cunningham Meigs, a former colleague of Lee's, decided that the ultimate vengeance on Lee for leading the Confederate Army was to fill his property with dead bodies. CRACKED COM http:/swww smithsonianmag — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

12 Fighting Phone Calls with Phone Calls

Todd Stave is a Massachusetts landlord who received harassing phone calls over the abortion clinic on his property. Protesters would phone his home at all hours, spewing colorful threats at Stave and his family. SO stavE RESPONdEd WitH HiS OWN PHONE campaiGN. Every caller who bothered the Staves would receive a polite return call, thanking them for their prayers and politely reiterating Stave's intention to keep the clinic running. From each volunteer helping the Staves. Because of the widespread support for the clinic, a caller could receive 5,000 return calls. CRACKED.COM http://www. washingtonpost com/local/a-clinics-landlord-tumns- the-tables-on-anti-abortion-protesters/2012/03/29/g(QAThgwiS_story.htm/ — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

11 Don't Take Dumb Videos on Stolen Laptops

33 Petty Celebrity Revenge Moments That Made Us Giggle — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

10 Keep Your Website Domain Up to Date

When Brian McCrary received a retroactive speeding ticket, he took over the police department website. When he got the ticket, he went online to try to find a non-emergency phone number to call. When he landed on the department's website, he saw a notice that the domain was about to expire. KOOSY SO НЕ bought 4HE-domain. 80 bucks later, McCrary was the proud owner of the police department website. Не filled it with information about speed traps and traffic cameras, including camera locations and how to avoid them. CRACKED.COM http //abcnews go com/Technology/man-buys- police-dept-website-speeding-ticket/storyid=10858731 — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

9 Brittany Murphy / Ashton Kutcher

When David Letterman asked Brittany Murphy for thoughts about her ex-boyfriend Ashton Kutcher and his relationship with Demi Moore, she outed him for his, ahem, shortcomings: suppose the crux of their relationship basically means, you know, to him that age doesn't matter, and to her that size doesn't matter? CRACKED.COM — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

8 Justin Bieber / Marilyn Manson

IN 2017, JUSTIN BIEBER CAME OUT WITH A NEW SHIRT DESIGN FETURING MARILYN MANSON. MARILYN BIGGER THAN KL ANEON SATAN BIEBER Some time after, the two met in real life and Bieber hit Manson with the I made you relevant again line. Manson understandably didn't appreciate that so he set up a joint performance of Beautiful People at Bieber's next concert. and then just didn't show up. Не also decided to take a percentage of the profits from the shirts for using his likeness. CRACKED.COM — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

7 Katy Perry

GRACKED.COM During a live performance in her former high school, Katy Perry spotted her high school crush who had previously rejected her. She called him out by name and taunted him before dedicating a song to him. The song was 'Ur So Gay!. — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

6 Calvin Harris

CRACKED.COM IN 2014 RITA ORA AND CALVIN HARRIS BROKE UP. HARRIS DECIDED NOT TO TAKE THE WE'RE STILL FRIENDS ROUTE. Rita was scheduled to perform I Will Never Let You Down at the 2014 Teen Choice Awards, but Harris decided that that wasn't going to happen. Since he was the co-writer and producer on the track, he had the power to stop TV performances of the song. Не did exactly that just a couple of days before her scheduled performance, despite the fact that Rita had been preparing for it for about a month. — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

5 Steve Jobs

Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

4 Tiffany Haddish

TIFFANY HADDISH AFTER AN EX-BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON HER, SHE PROCEEDED TO POOP IN HIS FAVORITE PAIR OF SNEAKERS. AFTER НЕ CLUELESSLY PUT THEM ON, SHE INFORMED HIM НЕ HAD JUST STEPPED INTO ALL THE S- YOU PUT ME THROUGH! CRACKED.COM — Source: 12 Celebs Who Got Revenge (In Hilariously Nasty Ways)

3 Michael Eisner

Shrek was a gigantic up-yours to Michael Eisner. Eisner and Dreamworks head Jeffrey Katzenberg were coworkers at Disney until Eisner fired Katzenberg. KatzENbERG'S REVENGE: Shrek opens with Disney characters such as Snow White and the seven dwarves, Pinocchio, and Tinkerbell being sold into slavery. The city of Duloc is like Disney World on Adderall, from the castle, to the parking lots named after characters, to the creepy It's a Small World-esque info booth. The villain, the evil Lord Farquaad, is a ridiculous, self-important little man whom Shrek implies has a tiny penis, and whose name sounds suspiciously like fuckwad. And — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

2 Vermont Prisoners

Prisoners in a Vermont correctional facility print shop were tasked with printing decals for the state police cars. VERMONT STATE POLICE SO tHEy addEd a piG. It actually took the police a year to notice it was there. GRACKED.COM http://www bostonglobe com/opinion/editorials/2012/02/09/vermont-prank- don-have-cow-man/FW5Xb9WFIHm Vqj6ts9ZTyl/story.htm/?campspm — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

1 Stephen King

In 1999, Stephen King was struck and severely injured by a minivan driven by a man named Bryan Smith. King ended up with Smith kept his a fractured hip, a leg license, got a broken in nine six-month suspended places, eight chips sentence, and in his spine, four described the event broken ribs, and 30 as an accident stitches to his scalp. without a cause. KiNG'S REVENGE: Не bought Smith's minivan for the express purpose of smashing it up with a sledgehammer. Then he wrote a character named Bryan Smith into his Dark Tower series. Like the real Smith, he — Source: 21 Long-Game Revenge Schemes

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